SIDEBAR'D: Terminology 101:

Dude: Similar to the surfing world version. Every climber is like a surfer wanna be, and every surfer is a climber wanna be. Both are kind of down to earth and hippie-ish.

Beta: No, not the little fighting fish, smart guy. This is a term used for basic information about how to climb the problem or route.

Pad: On each of your phalanges (your fingers), you have 3 of these, not counting your thumb, of course. Pretty much between each of your joints and at the tip of your finger is called the pad. More on this to come.

Route: Kind of like one on a map. It’s what you climb up when you’re rope climbing.

Problem: The ‘route’ word for bouldering. I’ll explain both of these in a few.

Crimp: A small hand hold which is usually a partial pad to your finger tip pad in thickness. SMALL.

Jug: Like it’s namesake, it’s big. This is a hand hold which you can grasp fairly easily using most of your hand. BIG.

Sloper: Like its name, it’s slope-y. Usually it’s an angled hand hold which has no crimp or jug on it. Imagine hanging from your roof without your gutter or a ladder, just the roof top itself. Can be a 45 degree angle, can be almost 75 degrees. This one is my personal favorite. HARD TO HANG ON TO.

Mono: Careful! Just like the kissing disease, this one’s dangerous. As the name implies, it’s a small hole of a hold that is good for only one finger at a time. Although, the size of your fingers can determine the amount of fingers you can use. Hanging your entire body weight from one finger can damage this tendons and pullies in your finger, then you can kiss climbing good bye for up to 6 months or more. This always sucks.

Jib: This one is very small. Usually used more for a foot hold than anything, but depending on how long you’ve been climbing, can also be used as a small crimp.

Barn door: Say your left arm and left leg are on the wall, yet your body is swinging to the left, thus the barn door action.

Dyno: Short for Dynamic Move. Jumping from one set of holds, both feet and hand, to another set, usually a big or dynamic move.

Static: The opposite of a dyno, yet sometimes the same amount of a distance. Going to another hold without it being so dynamic. AKA, Going slower to the hold while keeping more of your body on the wall.

Campus: No, not a college campus smart guy. This is climbing up the problem/route without feet. Basically, doing a lot of pull ups to get to the top. Gets you strong really fast.

Belay: This is what keeps the rope tight on your way up and allows you to get back down. One person is the Belayer, they use a belay device, which is a device that is anchored to the belayer, the rope runs through the belay device, and in case of a fall acts like a brake for the rope and stops it almost immediately with help from the belayer.

Anchor: This is what attaches to the rock, your belay rope runs through it, and in case of a fall, it will anchor you from plummeting to the earth.

Carabiner: If you don’t know what this is, I’ll smack you. A device which attaches stuff together, teenage girls think they are "cute" keychains.

Quick Draw: Basically two carabiners attached together with a piece of webbing.

SIDEBAR'D: Talk-the-Talk

• “Dude, I can’t get this move, you got any beta?” (Note: This one is brilliant...)
  
• “Hey, you wanna work on this problem with me?”
  
• “Grab that crimp before moving to that sloper.” (Note: Only use this with other beginner climbers, as an advanced climber, after watching you for only a few minutes is going to think, 'where does this newbie get off telling me what to do, I have more muscle in my pinkie finger than he does in his entire body!')
  
• “Could you give me a belay?” (Note: This is a good way to start up a friendship with someone you met a few days ago or so, not on the first day, generally, that would be like kissing on the first date, it might seem like a good idea at the time, but will you respect yourself in the morning?)
  
• “That move is freaking hard, you basically gotta campus that move with the crimps.”

SIDEBAR'D: Style Points!

Top Rope: The easiest of all styles of climbing. Like the name states, the rope is at the top, sort of. The climber is tied off via their harness, the rope then runs vertically up to a set of anchors, through the anchors, then back down to the belay. The Belay will pull up the slack of the rope as the climber goes higher, when the climber reaches a stopping point, usually the top of the route, the process is reversed and the climber will then rappel down to the ground.

Sport/Lead Climbing: This is a glorified version of top rope, but a little more difficult. Instead of 1 anchor at the very top of the route, there are several anchors placed sequentially up the route, these are drilled into the rock. As the climber climbs up, he places a quick draw at each anchor point he reaches, then he runs the rope through the other carabiner of the draw and continues up doing so until he finally anchors in at the top.

Trad: Short for traditional climbing(don’t worry about why it’s called traditional, the name is debatable), this is basically sport/lead climbing up a crack, usually no wider than a few inches. Instead of the anchors being drilled in and pre placed by someone else, the climber will carry a rack(webbing wrapped around their body with anchors or protection(aka pro) called cams, stoppers, nuts, or friends.) Basically, all of these are metal and/or spring loaded pieces that cam or stick into the crack and are used as the anchors) and the climber will insert a piece of protection wherever they feel comfortable. This maintains the natural beauty of the climb without the ugly look of anchor bolts up the route.

Off-Width: Glorified Trad climbing. Instead of climbing up a crack only a few inches wide using your finger tips or your hands and using very small pieces of protection as anchors, you’ll climb up a crack wider than your body, you put your entire body in the cracj=k and fight for your life to climb up this ginormous crack.

Bouldering: Instead of climbing up massive faces and super long routes, you climb and fight your way up a boulder. You may be thinking ‘this is the way to go, sounds easy’.  Well, my friend, you are very wrong. The moves are usually harder with smaller holds, they are more dynamic. It’s hard, trust me. This style, however, needs less equipment and no protection. All you need are your climbing shoes(specialized shoes with sticky rubber), chalk(to keep your paws dry from your massively sweaty hands), a crash pad(foldable pad specially made for bouldering), and a spotter(a friend to keep you from landing on your melon).

Solo: Other than bouldering, the most organic form of climbing....except instead of climbing puny boulders, you’ll be climbing routes you’d normally climb when you top, sport, trad, or off-width climb, but entirely without ropes and protection. Dangerous!  (not like mono dangerous, more like killer pneumonia dangerous)