Dear Editor's Wife,

I am a long time reader, first time writer. You have great advice for those of us fortunate enough to be married on how to remain thus. However, I find myself not so blessed to have yet found someone special (read 'gullible') enough to wed. I'm writing on behalf of us not-so-married guys out here that are both financially challenged and creatively/socially inept. Have you any ideas as to courses of action (ie. meeting girls other than the 5 at church, icebreakers for "use" on said girls, possible activities or venues in which to woo aforementioned girls) that we may take?

Just curious. Thanks for your time.

Sincerely, (and a bit verbosely,)
Reader

Hi "Reader",

  I think many of the dating ideas in my article can be adapted quite easily for a first date, or casual dating scenario. As far as how to meet someone, I'm afraid you're not going to love my answer. I thought about it for awhile, and I thought about what I would tell one of my very best friends if they asked me this same question. I decided to give you the same advice, even though I know it will not be popular advice.

  Every dating relationship that does not end in marriage ends in hurt. Often this hurt is aimed at a person's identity due to the intimacy often experienced in a dating relationship. I do not personally believe that increasing your dating pool increases your likelihood of entering into that one relationship that will end in marriage. However, increasing your dating pool definitely increases your likelihood of entering into relationships that will hurt your identity!

  I could not give this advice to a non-Christian, but if you really trust that God loves you and will deliver on His promise that when you "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness," then "all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33,) then I think your only solution is to stop searching for Mrs. Right and just follow God with all of your heart. You're not going to miss "her" because you were too busy intently listening to the Spirit of God and focusing on His will for your life.

  I know this is very difficult advice to follow. It feels like everyone is out there dating and having a great time. My guess is, for the most part, they are not having such a great time, or at least the great time they're having is very short-lived. It is much better to be alone than to be in a relationship that is not right for you. More than any other issue, I see young adults' lives derailed and torn apart by relationships they entered into outside of God's will because it was just too difficult to be alone.

  If there is no other motivating factor to follow this advice, know this, I have heard my single female friends comment on multiple occasions about how, a Christian guy was very attractive, and seemed like a good guy, except that he was just constantly looking for someone to date. Girls are turned off by guys who are always on dating sites, and being set up by friends, who seem to have dated every single girl they've ever met. They really want to find someone who is not desperately looking for a girl, and decides to try them on for a while; they want to find someone who loves God with all their heart, meets them, and realizes they have found something special, and worth pursuing. 

  Do you see how your pursuit starts to not mean much when you're willing; in fact, eager, to pursue anyone that comes along? Don't let this advice discourage you. Choose to be encouraged by the fact that by sacrificing the short term "enjoyment" of dating a few of the wrong girls, you can create long term security in the one girl that will matter most in your life, because she will know that you chose to wait for her and only her.

-Mrs. Green

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