By Amy Green

In the spirit of the month of love, I think I'll let you think of your own date idea this month.  I know, this is a little scary for those of you who have been earning major points with the pre-planned dates of the last two editions. Don't fear, the secret to planning a great date is this: make sure it's something that clearly shows you put some thought into it.  To come up with an idea, just think, "What is something she really enjoys doing?" Whatever that thing is, scrap-booking, bingo, shopping, listening to music, playing a sport, etc. use that thing as inspiration for your date.  Keep in mind, you don't have to do that specific activity in order to come up with a date inspired by that activity.

Now, I'm not going to leave you completely alone, I'm going to translate for you a few common girl statements around Valentine's Day.

Girl Statement:  I think flowers are stupid. 

Translation: I think spending $50 on a dozen roses on Valentine's day, when they would have been half that price a week ago, and will die by next week is stupid.  (This is especially true when you're married and sharing an income.  It's easy for even the most romantic girl to look at a rose bouquet on Valentine's Day and think, man, there are so many thing I would rather have for $50.)  Does this mean they don't really want flowers at all?  No, it just means they're as practical as they are romantic.  Buy some cheaper flowers at the  grocery store, there are many very beautiful, very cheap wildflowers that you can put in a vase she already owns.  Or, if you're just dating, pick a vase up at Goodwill for two or three dollars instead of the 10-30 you would pay for a vase that is included in an arrangement. A simple bouquet from the grocery store can be as cheap as $5, but the romantic gesture will not be forgotten, and the same girl who would cringe at the idea of a fancy, delivered bouquet, will swoon for a handful of daffodils or tulips.  (Stay away from carnations, just trust me on this one.)

Girl Statement: I hate Valentine's Day, it's a commercial holiday that preys on the weak.

Translation:  I don't go in for all the hearts, and cards and candy; I prefer to be romanced in a way that is unique to who I am.  This girl doesn't really want you to ignore the entire holiday, she just wants you to think outside the box a little bit.  Most likely, she's spent a lot of Valentine's Days being disappointed, and she's never had a Valentine's Day that could live up to all the societal pressure that has been put on this day.  So, ditch the greeting cards, the chocolates, the cheesy stuffed animals, and go have fun with her, take her somewhere she's never been, and compliment her, tell her you love her in your own words.

Girl Statement:  No, I really, really hate Valentine's Day.  If you do something special on Valentine's day you are a mindless drone who has given in to consumer-driven romantic drivel, and I will forever be repulsed by you. 

Translation:  I really have a chip on my shoulder about Valentine's Day and I don't want you to romance me just because you feel like you have to.  I would rather you do simple, genuine things that come from your heart year round, than do something extravagant on a single day that really has no significance to me.  So, if this is your girl, at first you're thinking, alright, this will be easy, pressure's off.  Wrong. In this situation you should really avoid doing something romantic on Valentine's Day, but instead, do little romantic things all the time.  Plan a big date, but not on Valentine's Day, choose another day in February and celebrate for a specific reason that has legitimate meaning to the two of you.

Girl Statement:  I hate romance, I'm just not a romantic kind of girl. 

Translation:  The typical tricks just won't work on me.  Again, you just have to try a little harder on this type of girl. She genuinely might not be into a candlelit dinner, instead maybe she'd love to go on a last-second midnight sledding trip.  She might turn up her nose at a box of chocolates, but be tickled pink with some Swedish fish, fun dip, or gummy apple rings.  Romance doesn't look the same for everyone, find out what she really loves, and romance her with that.  Go climb a mountain with her, or set up a little alone time for her where she can read her favorite book, with a few mini sticky note love notes scattered throughout the pages for her to find.  Maybe she doesn't want you to write her a poem, but would love if you sang her some ridiculously funny love lyrics set to the tune of row, row, row your boat.  Just believe me that every woman wants to be pursued, wants to see that you believe she is worth your time, energy and imagination.  The worst thing you can do for a woman who says she doesn't want to be romanced is to ignore her.  She needs to know how much you care about her just as much, if not more, than the girl that would have insisted that you buy her flowers and take her dancing.

So, let Valentine's Day come a little early this year.  Start on the first day of February and make every day count.  Write a note, give a simple gift, sing a song, go out on a date, do something.  Make sure you check out the articles in this edition by Bryce Bison and Jeb Jec to see how they did just this, and how great they felt about it!  Give it a shot, actively romance the woman in your life every day this month.  I know what you're thinking, I just can't do that, not every day, even if I try, I'm setting myself up to fail, because there are just going to be some days that I forget, or get busy, or just don't feel like it.  I hear you, and I agree, so here's my cheat sheet:

Right now, before you begin, think of 10 compliments, that's right 10 different compliments.  It can be as simple as, "You are so beautiful," or as complicated as, "I never thought I could be this happy, this genuinely fulfilled in life, and you are such a huge part of that, thank you."  Write all ten compliments down.  Now, check your list, and make sure at least three of the compliments you've written down are something you've never told her before. If there aren't three you've never told her before, think of them, and add them to the list.  On a day when you realize you have done absolutely nothing to actively romance this woman you care about, you find your list, or think about your list, and tell her one of the compliments. (Don't read it from the list, memorize it first, or else you lose some major points.) If you're dating, call her up, and say, "Hey, I was just thinking about you and I wanted to call you and tell you I think you're one of the most joyful people I've ever met; just thinking about you brings a lot of life into my day!"  (Ok, it really doesn't have to be that grand, it can really be, "Hey I was just thinking about you and wanted to call you up and tell you how much I love the sound of your laugh.")  Seriously, girls eat this up, why do you think the song, "I just called to say I love you," was so stinking popular?  If you're married, you're most likely going to remember that you didn't do anything to actively romance her as you're climbing into bed, that's ok it's not too late, use one of your compliments then, seriously even if she's already asleep, wake her up and tell her, because unless you're a ninja, you climbing into bed half way woke her up anyway, and there's not a woman alive who would be annoyed that you woke her up to tell her, "You're an amazing mother.  When I see the way you love our children, I know I married the right woman."  Also, may I just point out that the more specific and sometimes even trivial these compliments seem, the better. If my husband says, "I love that when you're worried about something, your forehead crinkles up a little bit, but you don't know that I can tell you're worried," I'm suddenly thinking, he sees me, he really sees me, and he loves me.  Sometimes, "I love the way your sneeze sounds like a hamster falling off a hamster wheel," goes a lot further than "You're so amazing." 

Now, remember the compliments are the fall back plan, you are going to be actively thinking of your own ways to romance her.  Variety is the key here.  Don't just send ecards, don't just give flowers, really switch it up:  Bring her a balloon, write her a poem, give her a slinky or my little pony or spray her with silly string as she's coming out of the shower  (if you're married that is, otherwise, spray her with silly string as you're talking in a public place not holding hands, not kissing, not having fun), sing her a song, leave her favorite candy in her car, cook her breakfast, or at least, buy her a donut, make a wish on a star with her, start a food fight, or a water fight, put rose petals on the bed, (or umm, if you're dating, in her car, or some other non-sexually suggestive place,) play a game with her, make her a celery stalk with peanut butter and little raisins that look like ants, challenge her to a footrace, make her a balloon animal, or an origami animal, or a play-doh animal... seriously do whatever it takes to actively romance her in very unique ways that say "I'm thinking about you, and I care enough about you to let you know that."

Write and tell me how your romance went: send your comments, questions or testimonials to This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

DO NOT FORGET THAT VALENTINES DAY IS COMING SOON. IF YOU DO FORGET, COVER IN A WAY THAT MAKES IT SEEM LIKE YOU DIDN'T FORGET. EXCEPT FOR IN THE CASES CLEARLY OUTLINED ABOVE, DO NOT ACCEPT THAT SHE REALLY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT VALENTINES DAY, NO MATTER HOW CONVENIENT THAT WOULD BE FOR YOU.  BE EXCITED TO ROMANCE THIS GIRL, NO ONE WANTS TO BE ROMANCED OUT OF A SENSE OF DUTY OR OBLIGATION, BUT IF THAT'S WHERE YOU HAVE TO START, START THERE, YOU'LL QUICKLY REALIZE YOU ENJOY IT MORE THAN YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD.